Life as Brinson's Mommy

Life as Brinson's mommy came a little early for me!  On March 2, 2011 at 1:25 PM, Brinson was born at 35 weeks and 6 days.   His little lungs were under-developed, so he spent 5 days in the special care nursery on oxygen and monitors. We were able to finally hold him when he was 5 days old.  Those were the longest 5 days of my life!  It was so hard to be separated from him.  Even though he was just down the hall, it felt like he was a million miles away.  I wanted so badly to start caring for him!  Eventually he was moved to the well-baby nursery, and we were able to bring him home the day he turned one week old.  Praise the Lord!!!  God is Good!!!

Holdin' tight to that passy!

First Feeding (he's hold the bottle)

First Family Photo

Motherhood......
Where to begin!  Well, I love being a Mommy!  It's the most wonderful feeling to look into your baby's eyes and know that you were part of creating such a precious life!  The unconditional love that I feel every time I look at Brinson is completely overwhelming and all-consuming.  There have been many times that I look into his sweet little face and just fallen to pieces.  Not because I am sad, but because I am so overcome with joy, happiness and love.  I will not lie and say it has all been a cake walk!  I have thought to myself, "what have I done";  however, for every one time I have thought that, there have been a thousand times where I thought "wow, look what I have done". 

The car ride home

He's always thinking about something!

Being a mom is scary, too!  I cannot stand to have him out of my sight.  I am so concerned that something is going to happen to him, and I am not going to know what to do.  I wake up multiple times during the night just to make sure he is still breathing.  Whenever he drinks his bottle too fast and begins to choke and gag, I start crying!  He spit up the other day, and I thought something was seriously wrong!  I never pictured myself as the over-protective parent, but I am, and I cannot help it!  Although I know it is impossible, I am on a quest to be the "perfect mommy".  Again, not something I ever thought I would do.  However, I cannot help myself.  I know that I am going to make mistakes, but I am trying my best!  Despite my future mistakes, I am sure that no matter what, Brinson will always love me and think that I truly am a "perfect mommy"!

"Will you please quit taking my picture"

Sweetest Face Ever!  I love this pic!!!

A Few Lessons from 2010 (in no particular order)

Well, it has been a while since I last "blogged", but every time I sit down to do it, the words elude me.  So, I am going to try again! 

I want to do a blog about a few things I learned in 2010....Here goes nothing!

1.  For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11) 
As Wade and I struggled with infertility, I often joked that God was trying to show me it was HIS way, not mine. In MY plan for me, I would have had 2 wonderful children, one boy and one girl, by the time I was 30.  Can you guess how old I was when I found out I was pregnant.....Yep, 30!  I truly believe that part of our struggle was because I was continuing to live by MY plan, not GOD's plan.  So, from this point on, I am letting go of my plans for me! 

Wade and I - Christmas 2010

2.  Aside from God, my family and friends are the most important things to me.  While I have always felt this way, in the last few years, my friends have rallied around and supported me in ways that I never even realized.  How my friends felt about me was never more evident to me than on Nov 4th when Wade and I made our big announcement at the "gender reveal party".  I will never forget the way I felt in that moment. Seeing the joy and love in each of their eyes was truly overwhelming.  I still cry thinking about it!  Thank you, God, for blessing me with the most amazing support system.  I am truly blessed beyond measure!

It's a boy!

3.  My Mom is with me in my heart, and she is with Jesus in Heaven.  When my Mom first passed away, I would go to the cemetery every chance I got.  It became unhealthy for me.  I would be fine, then I would go to the cemetery and cry for days.  When I was there, all the memories of the hospital and funeral came flooding back.  I couldn't see past those sad times.  So, after many internal struggles with myself, I decided that I would quit going so often.  It broke my heart at first, because I felt like I was abandoning her, but after much prayer, I felt peace. God showed me that she wasn't really there anyway.  She continues to LIVE with Him and in my heart.  So, now, only on occasion do I visit the cemetery. 

Mom and Terry - Nov 2008

4.  Being pregnant is harder than I ever thought!  I suppose because I had such a hard time getting pregnant, I thought that I would LOVE being pregnant.  While I do love being pregnant, I do not actually love being pregnant.  I think you know what I mean!  I am super excited to be having a baby, and I am beyond thankful that God has trusted me enough to be the mother of one of his precious children, however, it just is not as easy as I thought! 

My sweet Brinson at 28 weeks

Friday Night Ramblings

Well, tonight I have been giving several things some thought.  Here are just a few:

Let me start by saying I am in no way disrespecting, but I have a hard time with October and Breast Cancer Awareness.  Not because I think it is unimportant, but because I think that the other forms of cancer deserve just as much awareness.  One of my favorite quotes is this: "When you lose someone to cancer, awareness lasts a lifetime".  My paternal grandmother is a breast cancer survivor.  She had a double mastectomy.  My maternal grandmother had uterine and cervical cancer.  She had all her lady parts removed.  Almost all of the men on my father's side of the family have had prostate cancer.  My mother had oat cell (also known as small cell) lung cancer which she beat, but later it returned in her brain.  She lost her courageous battle.  Other cancers are focused on during certain months of the year, but it is not to the same extent.  It is important to get preventative tests for ALL forms of cancer.  If your doctor suggests that you have a colonoscopy, a mammogram, or anything else, PLEASE follow his orders.  It could just save your life.

Now, with that said, I would like to say again that I am in no way downplaying the importance of breast cancer awareness.  I have the utmost respect for survivors and their families.  I love the NFL for their participation!  They do an awesome job of promoting awareness.  Maybe I should not say I have a problem with October and breast cancer awareness.  The more accurate statement would be this:  I have a problem with the lack of focus on cancer awareness period.  It is like a dark cloud or the elephant in the room.  No one wants to talk about it, and no one thinks it will happen to them.  I challenge you to name a friend or family member that has not been somehow touched by cancer.  It is an ugly, undiscriminating thing.  We can only pray that new treatments and improvements on old treatments are developed and researched daily.  I honestly hope that no one who reads this is offended, and that everyone understands where I am coming from. 

I have been so blessed this week to find out that a couple of friends are going to be pregnant with me!  I cannot wait until I can reveal their names, but for now they shall remain a secret!  I have a special place in my heart for those who struggle to get pregnant.  I know the pain and heartache that accompany infertility.  Oftentimes, we look around and see people who appear to us to be undeserving of children dragging around 2 or 3 little ones.  While it is not our place to judge whether they should have been given a chance at parenthood, the human side of us cannot help but wonder why her and not me.  As I struggled with my own infertility, I had to come to terms with this.  While I knew in my mind that God had a plan for me, my heart often won the emotional battle, because it could not understand the why.  However, eventually, I convinced my heart and mind to agree and finally, I was at peace.  It was only after this transformation that I was able to become pregnant.  The following verse got me through this and other trying times.

Wade and I found out this week that on November 4th, we will be having our fetal analysis scan and finding out the gender of the baby.  As a new mother, I have spent several hours laying in bed wondering if the baby is developing as it should be and praying for just that.  Boy or girl--It does not matter one bit!  We will love that baby with our whole heart one way or the other.  I only pray that the baby is healthy.  And, again, if something is not just right, my love will be no different.  I already love the baby more than I ever thought I could love someone.  That love will never change!  I cannot wait for November 4th, but I am also looking forward to November 5th, when we will share the wonderful news with our friends and family!

An Introduction to the Baxley's

A blog is something I have wanted to do for quite some time now, but I have always wondered if anyone would read my ramblings! I used to write all the time, and I found it was a wonderful outlet for my emotions. So, regardless if anyone reads.....I will write!

Wade and I were married on September 6, 2003.


We have had a wonderful 7 years of marriage, although the last year and a half has been very trying for both of us. January 2, 2009 we lost my mother, Helen Booth. She had been fighting a courageous battle with cancer since April of 2007. Not only was she the most awesome mother, she was also my very best friend. Living life without her has been an indescribable challenge, but with the help of my wonderful support system and my loving God, I have learned to live again.


Then, in June of 2009, Wade and I were told that in order to be parents we would most likely have to undergo in-vitro fertilization. However, due to the incredible cost of such procedures, we knew that this was not an option for us. I decided that I would continue to pray that God would bless us with a child, and if it was not in His will for Wade and I to be parents, I would just be the best aunt I could be! Now, after a 6 year battle with infertility, Wade and I are expecting our first child in March 2011. God is so good! We could not be happier!


This is our little bundle of joy at 11 weeks old! Hopefully in about 5 weeks we will know if we are having a little boy or girl! Although we will welcome either with lots of love, we are anxious to find out!