Life as Brinson's Mommy

Life as Brinson's mommy came a little early for me!  On March 2, 2011 at 1:25 PM, Brinson was born at 35 weeks and 6 days.   His little lungs were under-developed, so he spent 5 days in the special care nursery on oxygen and monitors. We were able to finally hold him when he was 5 days old.  Those were the longest 5 days of my life!  It was so hard to be separated from him.  Even though he was just down the hall, it felt like he was a million miles away.  I wanted so badly to start caring for him!  Eventually he was moved to the well-baby nursery, and we were able to bring him home the day he turned one week old.  Praise the Lord!!!  God is Good!!!

Holdin' tight to that passy!

First Feeding (he's hold the bottle)

First Family Photo

Motherhood......
Where to begin!  Well, I love being a Mommy!  It's the most wonderful feeling to look into your baby's eyes and know that you were part of creating such a precious life!  The unconditional love that I feel every time I look at Brinson is completely overwhelming and all-consuming.  There have been many times that I look into his sweet little face and just fallen to pieces.  Not because I am sad, but because I am so overcome with joy, happiness and love.  I will not lie and say it has all been a cake walk!  I have thought to myself, "what have I done";  however, for every one time I have thought that, there have been a thousand times where I thought "wow, look what I have done". 

The car ride home

He's always thinking about something!

Being a mom is scary, too!  I cannot stand to have him out of my sight.  I am so concerned that something is going to happen to him, and I am not going to know what to do.  I wake up multiple times during the night just to make sure he is still breathing.  Whenever he drinks his bottle too fast and begins to choke and gag, I start crying!  He spit up the other day, and I thought something was seriously wrong!  I never pictured myself as the over-protective parent, but I am, and I cannot help it!  Although I know it is impossible, I am on a quest to be the "perfect mommy".  Again, not something I ever thought I would do.  However, I cannot help myself.  I know that I am going to make mistakes, but I am trying my best!  Despite my future mistakes, I am sure that no matter what, Brinson will always love me and think that I truly am a "perfect mommy"!

"Will you please quit taking my picture"

Sweetest Face Ever!  I love this pic!!!

A Few Lessons from 2010 (in no particular order)

Well, it has been a while since I last "blogged", but every time I sit down to do it, the words elude me.  So, I am going to try again! 

I want to do a blog about a few things I learned in 2010....Here goes nothing!

1.  For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11) 
As Wade and I struggled with infertility, I often joked that God was trying to show me it was HIS way, not mine. In MY plan for me, I would have had 2 wonderful children, one boy and one girl, by the time I was 30.  Can you guess how old I was when I found out I was pregnant.....Yep, 30!  I truly believe that part of our struggle was because I was continuing to live by MY plan, not GOD's plan.  So, from this point on, I am letting go of my plans for me! 

Wade and I - Christmas 2010

2.  Aside from God, my family and friends are the most important things to me.  While I have always felt this way, in the last few years, my friends have rallied around and supported me in ways that I never even realized.  How my friends felt about me was never more evident to me than on Nov 4th when Wade and I made our big announcement at the "gender reveal party".  I will never forget the way I felt in that moment. Seeing the joy and love in each of their eyes was truly overwhelming.  I still cry thinking about it!  Thank you, God, for blessing me with the most amazing support system.  I am truly blessed beyond measure!

It's a boy!

3.  My Mom is with me in my heart, and she is with Jesus in Heaven.  When my Mom first passed away, I would go to the cemetery every chance I got.  It became unhealthy for me.  I would be fine, then I would go to the cemetery and cry for days.  When I was there, all the memories of the hospital and funeral came flooding back.  I couldn't see past those sad times.  So, after many internal struggles with myself, I decided that I would quit going so often.  It broke my heart at first, because I felt like I was abandoning her, but after much prayer, I felt peace. God showed me that she wasn't really there anyway.  She continues to LIVE with Him and in my heart.  So, now, only on occasion do I visit the cemetery. 

Mom and Terry - Nov 2008

4.  Being pregnant is harder than I ever thought!  I suppose because I had such a hard time getting pregnant, I thought that I would LOVE being pregnant.  While I do love being pregnant, I do not actually love being pregnant.  I think you know what I mean!  I am super excited to be having a baby, and I am beyond thankful that God has trusted me enough to be the mother of one of his precious children, however, it just is not as easy as I thought! 

My sweet Brinson at 28 weeks